Domestic Failure

"Clean Enough To Be Healthy, Dirty Enough To Be Happy" can no longer work in our home. It has simply become, "Dirty enough and hubby isn't happy".

I feel like a domestic failure, we have to get a cleaning service. I am sad that I have to have maid service because it is going against my "vision" for my stay at home mom job. Before having kids I imagined my future of domestic bliss. I envisioned our home clean, clutter free with the aroma of fresh cut flowers in the living room and a simmering pot of stew cooking in the kitchen. The reality is our living room is lucky to have no odor because the odors in our home are from the dog, the "fresh cut" two week ago flowers that have become a science project, two "Diaper Champs" (the kids and the diaper pail, gross) and the occasional smell of bleach from a monthly scrub down of the shower.

I feel guilty needing a maid. Why should someone else clean up my mess? My husband works very hard for his income and I want to do my fair share of work as well. Yes, I am confident that I work just as hard (very different work) but I also thought I would be able to have the June Cleaver life; raise the kids, clean the home, cook dinner, go to the gym, walk the dog, go to the grocery store, all while wearing a super cute outfit and make-up. Wait a second, I do all of those things on a regular basis (take away the cute outfit and make-up)! Guess I just need some help.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not at all looking for sympathy in my current situation. If anything, this situation is downright annoying. Seriously, my current "lot in life" is that we have to get a maid. Of course I am telling myself that this help is only temporary, once the kids are in school I can start cleaning on my own. Hmm, we'll see!

Diary of Our Attempt at Bedroom Sharing of the Kids

Devin and I have a current goal of having our kids share a bedroom. Last night I decided to start a trial run at it. I moved Mallory's crib into Brian's room and they had their first night of room sharing. I call last night a relative success. I call today's shared nap experience an utter failure. Therefore, I've decided to blog about this new adventure. I intend on updating it daily.

Day 1: FAIL

You know that new book, "Go the F to sleep?" Want to know how many times I internally uttered that phrase this afternoon? I'd say 10 is generous. I'm being a total delinquent mom by being on the computer as opposed to playing with Brian and Mallory right now but I'm about to lose it. The real reason I'm about to lose it is because I have an exercise class to get to in 1 hour. That means Mallory has had no afternoon nap which means cranky child at the Kid's Club which then results in Ali getting called out of the exercise class because she's crying. Total evaluation of myself? Selfish! Yup, I'm mad that today's trial of sharing the bedroom didn't work because I might not get to exercise. "Bonus"? I'll have two sleep deprived children on my hands for the next 5 hours. Oh well, tomorrow is a new day!

The "Happiness" of Photographing the Holiday Card

It's November which means it's time for many of us to frantically filter through a year of pictures to decide which ones are worthy of gracing the front of a holiday card for the sole purpose of proving to family and friends that not only are you all capable of smiling, but that you also want to wish everyone a happy "whatever". I say "whatever" because I realize not everyone is of the same religion, or even religious, so I just make a general happy holiday greeting for all.

Anyways, in preparation for our family's holiday card we decided to have a family portrait session. I got so excited! I went shopping for coordinating outfits, made sure my make-up was not frantically applied and got Brian super excited for "Family Picture Day!". Family Picture Day turned out to be one of the most stressful and exhausting mornings I've had in a long time. Why? Well, you're spending a small fortune to have a stranger capture priceless smiles in 45 minutes while making sure the kids don't jump in mud puddles, fall on their face to reveal a new scratch, (which Brian had done four days earlier) or a seagull fly over and deposit his morning breakfast as the first photo is clicked (thank goodness that didn't happen but who knows what the future holds). To make sure we were getting smiles out of Mallory and Brian our photographer had us stand behind him and make loud bird calls, silly faces and peek a boos. We must have been hilarious to onlookers!

Of course all this reminds me of my own childhood Family Picture Day. Family Picture Day in the Hofmeister household meant piling into the family station wagon, going to a park and posing for hours and hours and hours eventually ending with my dad sternly demanding us to smile and us responding with hysterical crying. I'm quite certain I'm not the only person with the memory of her father peering from behind the camera lens with that annoyed, stern look firmly telling you, "SMILE". My brother, sister and I drove him a bit crazy on those days! Well, I get it now. No one wants to spend hours and hours capturing the perfect family picture.

To sum it up, Family Picture Day most likely means putting on uncomfortable new clothes, having kids stand at a park staring at an inviting playground that is off limits and being forced to smile the brightest most cheerful smile possible. I "gift" you with one of the best pictures from our photo shoot. Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, etc.

A New Saturday Night Live

Four years ago, the Saturday night before Halloween one would have found Devin and myself at a party or bar. I would most likely have dressed myself in some form of skin revealing outfit while Devin would be providing the cocktails to enhance the entertainment we were providing ourselves. Fast forward to present and we have the USC/Stanford football game on TV, two glasses of Cabernet while we aggressively find matching game pieces for our grocery store's Wish Big Win Big holiday giveaway. Oh Sharkeez, how we occasionally miss you!
PS. Go Standford!

Debate On Parenting Turned Ugly

Hands shaking, blood pumping, heart racing, some tears flowing are the physical symptoms I experienced these past 48 hours due to the posting of a blog. The blogs I write are intended to be humorous and some are intended to be informative yet they come across judgmental. I read dozens of materials on parenting and attend classes on parenting. I have come across the advice of not evaluating or judging another person's decision on how to parent their child. Guess what? I find myself doing it every single day. But, can we please be honest? Don't you do it too? On an airplane, when a child is screaming I am pretty sure all of us think, "what's wrong with the kid? Why won't he/she stop crying?" At the grocery store, restaurant, park are a steady stream of parenting examples (good and bad) and we all witness it and we all have an internal thought of it. I think it's human nature to see a problem and want to find a solution. BUT, obviously I tend to cross the line by putting those thoughts into print and publishing it for my friends and family to read.

I am not a perfect parent and there are things I do that people don't approve of. But, I can't take that personally. I am doing what I think is right for my children and for my family as a whole. OF COURSE I think what I am doing is right and I most certainly feel my children are having an amazing upbringing. If I didn't think that way I would I would hope I would find a way to improve.

Do I feel I made the best decision to be a stay at home mom? Yes and I won't apologize for that. My husband and I make financial choices to make sure that I can stay at home. My husband and I find that it works for our family, this is my priority.

Do I feel that a working mom or working father is incapable of being an effective parent? Not at all. If anything I have a tremendous amount of respect for their energy and schedule juggling. I don't do a good job voicing that opinion of mine. It is not fair that an educated and professional woman be expected to quit her job once she has a baby. I have friends that are doctors, business executives, veterinarians and they worked hard to gain that job title and I understand them wanting to stay in the work force. They do have to work twice as hard as I do. I am around my kids all day so I know the ins and outs of their needs and wants. My job is easy. A working mom has to make choices that I don't have to and I truly give credit to the working mom.

May I remind you that my recent post was not about working parents, but a parenting decision that has come from my mindset and I happen to be a stay at home mom. I am not better for being a stay at home mom as I surround myself with moms who are working moms and I learn from them. We all make choices and this is mine.

Where's The App for Raising a Child?

"There's an app for that" can be the answer to dozens of questions these days. Technology has spoiled us! My directional challenges are hidden due to my sprint navigation and I am rarely out of the social loop thanks to my constant streams of e-mails and text messages. But a recent article in our local newspaper revealed that there is an app for handling a squirmy toddler, just hand them a smart phone and the problem is solved. Well, I have a different opinion.

The article states that the mother views her phone as a "godsend" because there is a "steady stream of episodes of Dora the Explorer". The mother states that it can be disastrous if she goes on an outing without the phone because her two year old is "curious and gets into everything". So, rather than deal with her child the mom hands over a steady stream of cartoon entertainment.

I voiced my opinion. I wrote a response to the editor, here is my response:

The Associated Press reported on the commonality of parents giving toddlers (2-4 year-olds) a technological device to stay occupied. I find it frustrating and sad. I am a parent of a 2 year old and 5 month old and do not intend on using technology to occupy my child while in public. We use outings as opportunities to teach manners, patience and hope that they will learn how to deal with boredom appropriately. If the only way to have an enjoyable meal in public as a family is by bringing along an IPod then I suggest working on ways to discipline and entertain the child. If the parent does not want to be in the direct company of their child, engaging in meaningful conversation (which does take place with toddlers) then perhaps a babysitter should be called. But, that is my opinion and I know it is not shared by many.
-Ali Daly

Does Brian (a two year old) watch cartoons? Yes, at home and there is a time limit.

Did Brian watch TV on our 8 hour car drive to Sonoma? NO!

Did our family survive? YES!

What did we do for 8 hours? We talked, listened to music, read books and enjoyed each others company.

I know that I have an easy going child, he was born easy going and has stayed that way. I am very aware that his easy going nature makes my parenting job significantly easier. But, I also know that if I drop the reins a tiny bit he is just as capable of being a two year old terror. I strongly believe Brian respects the rules because we are consistent, hold him accountable for his behaviors and fill his cup with positive attention as much as we possibly can. We are not perfect and we have a lot to learn as parents but I do believe there is something to say about turning off the power button and enjoying time as family.

Article from: Daily Breeze; Thursday, October 27, 2011, A13 Squirmy Toddler? There's an app for that

If Devin Could Lactate, This Weekend Would Be Easier

"This is what Mallory looks like when she's tired", I say to Devin. He walks over, looks at her only to find Mallory's smiling face beaming back a him.
"She always looks like that", says Devin.

I'm afraid that beaming smile will be hard to come by Saturday morning at 5am because I will be across the country visiting my girlfriends in Atlanta. Devin, on the other hand, gets to stay home with the kids. I am completely confident in him being able to care for the children, just worried about the feeding aspect. See, Devin has nipples but zero milk comes from them. And, come 4 or 5am when the frozen milk needs to be prepared I bet Devin will be cursing his male hormones and their inability to provide the soothing/nutritional source of necessity Mallory so lovingly uses. Yes, I am perfectly aware that I should have given Mallory some bottles with expressed milk but I have not. She has had to take no more than 10 bottles in her life and all that will change this weekend. Guess who's fault that is.....mine! Breastfeeding is the easiest process ever and I'm simply too lazy to pump, put the milk in a bottle, feed her, then clean/sterilize the pump and bottle. I know people do this because I have a family member who did this EVERY TIME SHE FED HER BABY. She rocks while I just feel lazy.

Normally I would bask in the glory of Devin being forced to experience the life of a stay at home mom but that's not fair. I'm pretty certain Devin never sits at his office and says, "this weekend I will make Ali come into the office and prepare economic futures reports for the southeast operations force". He's never said that because:

1. I have no idea how to create a price point for properties
2. I made up the phrase southeast operations force because I don't know what he is price pointing
3. Devin is not capable of acting in such a spiteful way

So, Friday morning I will excitedly board the airplane without a diaper bag, toy bag, containers of snacks, crayons or potty training books. Instead I will have ONE carry on, a book and a free hand to enjoy a Bloody Mary. I will sleep uninterrupted, drive a car without having to haul two children into and out of car seats and avoid changing diapers at all costs. Then again, who knows how my mothering instinct will kick in. My friends might have to keep me from sneaking away with their newborns only to change a diaper or give them a "top off" of California Mom milk. EEEEWWWW, I wouldn't do that, I need a break from diaper changing!! HA!